Happy 4th of July



There are two holidays I do poorly, New Year’s Eve and 4th of July and I reluctantly do both almost every year. For years, I would ask my friends, not so subtly, “What are the plans for the 4th?” And I would get nothing in response. This was a miserable game of chicken that I lost every year. Hence, my annual crappy 4th of July party that no one looks forward to, but everyone attends.

The invites (all phone conversations) usually start something like this:

Me: I’m doing it.
Them: The 4th? Of course. You do it every year.
Me: I know. It’s going to suck again, but if you don’t have anything better then come on over. We can make fun of your sad life. It must be sad. You’re at my house on a major holiday.
Them: Cool. It will be like last year. Should I bring my famous beans (insert any basic food item here)?
Me: Famous? They’re from a can (box, the store, bag, whatever).
Them: I didn’t say I made them famous.
Me: Yeah, bring them.

Have a great 4th and make sure to blow some shit up!


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